Yesterdays trip to the zoo was soo much fun!! Although we didn’t see many animals, it was nice to get out of the house, spend time with my family and boyfriend, and just take my mind off of all the job injury bullshit that I’ve been dealing with. Came home, took a nice little nap, after, munched on snacks and watched Cake Boss with my wonderful boyfriend. My roomate told me he’ll give me this month for free, thats a whole month for me to get my shit together and find a new job. I already turned my resume and application to this one vet office. They will be receiving a phone call from me tomorrow morning following up on my application, and hopefully, I can get an interview!! Today, I woke up a little under the weather but a phone call from a wonderful lady at workmens comp made me feel so much better and took alot off my mind. Around 5 today Imma go to my moms and spend the rest of the day there for my little sisters birthday :)
So I guess things are kinda looking up. Been looking for jobs for the past few days and one was actually hiring, one that I would LOVE to work act. I filled out an application and resume right away and brought it to them, hope to god they call me back and atleast give me an interview. As for my current job, Ill probably just milk the workmens comp and then quit. I truly can’t go back to what I was doing after the way I injured myself and the pain I experienced. Friday got my taxes done, can’t wait for the money to come, as soon as it does I’m buying a new laptop. The right key on my current one broke anddd I accidently dropped it yesterday and now its running slower than ever!!! Had food poisoning yesterday from taco bell -___- Went to charlies bakery regardless and got some yummy goodies. Today Me, my bf and my family are going to the Sanford Zoo for my littles sisters birthday. She will be 12, gosh she’s grown up too fast :(
Yesterday night I went to a family friend of my bf’s. She is a massage therapist. She was lovely to be around and did ease alot of my back pain. It finally hit me yesterday that I may in the next week become sorta homeless. I don’t think there is any room at my parents house so I’m not sure what I’m gonna do. I’m not sure what I’m gonna tell my renter when I end up only giving him 200 out of the 5oo dollars of rent I owe him. Filed an injury report at work last night. Workers comp should be calling me today. Once again, why don’t they just fire me already. Had a nervous breakdown from all this today. Life is not looking so good :(
Drinking some chamomile and mint tea while trying not to think of all the stress of this week. I’ve probably fucked my back for life and possibly have to do physical therapy. So sick of having to take pain pills and putting hot and cold pads on my back. Gonna go see someone tomorrow who can possibly make me feel better. My job won’t give me light duty which is making me so close to quitting. Kinda wish they’d fire me already so that I can get on unemployment. As much as I’m going to miss the princesses and the giant tree painted in my room, I no longer can afford to live under this roof. Might possibly move in with my parents for a month until my bf and I find an affordable apartment to live in. Still waiting on my W2 to come in so that I can file my taxes and buy a new laptop, this one is bout to die any day now. The rest of the money will go to either mollys shots or moving to the apartment, probably both. In the mean time I have to start looking for a new job, one that isn’t as physically draining as my current one. UGgghh stress!!! My thoughts will be the death of me.
Still in pain today. Managed to finally go grocery shopping. I should be good with food for the next 2 weeks. Ate at Outback, it was delicious. Fell asleep at midnight, woke up at 2am with the worst pain. Took a muscle relaxer, made some chamomile and mint tea and listened to Lykke Li’s last album ‘youth novels’. Feeling pretty relaxed right now. Tomorrow going with my bf to look at some house his mom wants him to buy. We both think that now is not the right time for him to buy a house. I’d rather settle down in an apartment for now. When I’m with him I truly am at my happiest<3
My back is seriously killing me and none of these pain pills are helping. All they do is make me super drowsy, dizzy and even gives me headaches, almost like a hangover feeling. Spent the whole day at my moms house. I used to be so desperate to move out of there, but nowadays when I come over, I feel so relaxed and at home. Next saturday me, my parents and my siblings will be going to the Brevard Zoo for my sisters bday. Believe it or not that was what I was gonna do for my 21st. Not very interested in going to clubs and getting drunk, I can do that anytime after I turn 21. Its no big deal to me. I also wanna go to Kobe’s japanese steakhouse for my bday :D not til June tho :/. Just when I was finally falling asleep and getting over the pain, it started to storm outside and I was awoken by molly scratching on my bfs bedroom door. When I opened it there was poop all over the hallway. This has been an ongoing problem with molly. Ever since I adopted her she has always done this. If someone keeps her company during a storm she won’t poop, just huff and puff. But when she’s alone, she just goes everywhere and its gotten to be so annoying. What am I going to do with her once I move into an apartment, what if I have no choice but to get one with carpet. I need to take her to a vet asap. Anyways, as I was leaning down cleaning her poop, I strained my back again and the pain came back and even worse than before. Its 5am and I am super sleepy but at the same time a little restless, cannot find a comfortable position to lay in. So over this :/
So decided to check into the ER today being that the pain in my back was unbearable. Got some pain meds and due for an MRI in a week. I’m hoping everything turns out ok. I obviously can’t work in transportation anymore, they have no light duty and its just gotten to be too much for my body to handle. Gonna start looking for a new job this week. Something not as physical as what I’m doing now. I actually would not even mind if they fired. It would be refreshing lol . Overall nothing much happening in my life. Got the next 3 days off, but I think I’m gonna spend them resting and making some important phone calls.
I think that this has been the most stressful day of…well of wouldn’t say my life…but honestly I have not been this stress in a while. Went to the doctor do to some weird shit my body’s been doin to me. My blood pressure was sky high, I think it was because of the unbearable caffeine headache I had. Got like 4 tubes of blood taken out, then told that I should possibly see a psychiatrist, not exactly what I wanted to hear. I’ll know the results to my blood test in 2 days, hoping for the best. As for the rest of today I had several breakdowns due to the awful headache I had, seriously almost considered going to the ER, thats how bad the pain was, which just stressed me out even more. After some Excedrin and taco bell tho I felt a little better, still very weak tho, and I don’t know why. The thought of moving in a couple of months and not even having an apartment picked out is pretty stressful. I hate my job more than I have ever hated anything, so that adds up to the stress. Oh and I’m broke. The guy whom I’m renting from says I’m behind a month. Just cause my bf can pay him in the beginning of the month doesn’t mean I can, therefore I am not behind a month, just a lil late. I’ve made up my mind tho, once I do my taxes, Me, my bf and molly are out of here!! I hate this area, so empty and not safe. I’m sick of feeling so empty inside and lonely when I have all these people around me who love and care about me. I’m sick of it being such a struggle to get out the door. Sometimes I’m just sick of being me, and even living.
I hope your not as shitty as the year before. Although I made lots of changes to my life, ended relationships, started new ones, met lots of amazing people. It was still a year full of money issues, anxiety, illnesses, and stress. I’m hoping to god this year won’t be that way. I hope this year I make better changes to my life including possibly saving money and moving, finding a new job that isn’t so hard on my body, finally getting my license, etc. Last week I did not get to work as much, I was sick again, with lady problems lol. Intense lady problems. I’m a little worried because it has never been this bad before, might have to see a doctor. I’m also hoping my next check is not too shitty being that its all going to rent. Reunited with an old friend thursday, not for very long tho, but we are making an effort to hang out. Bought a dress from Forever21 for New Years, super itchy and uncomfortable. Then that night went out with my friend Devan to Ibar. Got to see my friend Steven one last time before he moved to Ohio. I have only known him for a couple of months but he means alot to me as a friend. I got a little teary eyed when it was time to say goodbye. New Years was pretty bitchin too, I sparkled and drank a little too much. Got my New Years kiss tho :) and took lots of silly pictures of others, and kinda saw somes true colors. The next day woke up with a little hangover but went to the gun show with my bf anyways. I felt so tired and groggy, when I got home I slept for like….4 hours. Called into work tonight, I’m just not feeling good since New Years, all that alcohol really messed up my stomach. Currently listening to LIGHTS and wishing I wasn’t so damn awake. Its almost 4am :/ I feel slightly uneasy and trying not to give in to that damn pill…..