No I’m not self diagnosing, I’m no doctor. But holy fuck I cannot think of anything else that explains the crazy pains I go through in my body. Keep me from sleeping, from going out, from exercising. It’s just one more thing on top of the depression. I can’t keep taking ibuprofen all the time, I can’t imagine how bad that must be for my body. My point is that….I NEED INSURANCE ASAP. Right now I have the most awful headache. Took ibuprofen, and drank some coffee, now waiting for it all to sink in. Aside from my head, my body feels like I have the flu or something. I feel dizzy and weak. Jeeze I’m only 21, as young as I am I shouldn’t feel this way. Feel like I’m 50 years old.
That all of my weight is in my ass and thighs. Got weighed at the clinic yesterday and it said I was about 159.4, of course I had consumed lots of water before then and at a meal. This morning I weighed myself and my scale said 156. Now when I look in the mirror, I do not see myself that big, yes I’m working out to lose some weight and eating healthier, but honestly compared to other girls my weight and height which is about 5’4 , I am not that big, which is why I am very very convinced that it is all in my ass. Oh well, I do see my tummy significantly smaller, and I have a nice little tan going on. I guess you can say my self confidence as been much better lately :)
For the past 3 hours I’ve been feeling achy and sore, I didn’t even workout today, so I don’t know why I’m feeling this way. I also have soooo much on my mind right now. Today I dropped my resume off at the “potential job opportunity” don’t wanna get into too much detail, afraid to jinx myself. I hope to god I get that job, I’m so sick of being broke. The only money I got, birthday money, I’m having to spend it on birth control tomorrow. I don’t even get to buy anything for myself, its all going to that stupid appointment tomorrow. I’d have my boyfriend pay but I just can’t get myself to have him do that and then go shopping for myself. He feeds me and lets me live with him free, pretty much supporting me, any little money I get I feel awful keeping it from him. That’s why when I went to the mall with my mom the other day, she almost gave me money for my birthday, I told her no that lemme just get what I want now before I end up handing that money over to Randall. I just feel like he should let me keep some of my birthday money for some tops or something. I’m so so so very sick of this :/
Back to working out, back to making my boyfriend sandwiches for work. Back to actually watching the Casey Anthony case (I’m so behind I have no idea what’s going on). There are days that I am too depressed to get out of bed, and then there are days where I go stir crazy from being in the house all the time. Which is why I atleast need a part time job. At least have some money coming in. I guess you can say I’m getting a little bored with everything, and having some job and a little money would give me more to do than stay home and play house wife.