That you walk laps around your house and even begin to clean things that don’t have to be cleaned and then realize “what the fuck am I doing” mhmm yea I’m having one of those days. It’s my only day off for the next few days and I surprisingly really wanted to get out of the house. Was even tempted to ride my bike somewhere but I had nowhere to leave Molly. My anxiety to get out was so high. And then you see friends make plans together and not really include you, and sometimes they even tell you just to make you jealous but not invite you, and then you see all the Halloween events happening over the weekend that you are going to miss. You realize that your just the second best thing for your friends that they really don’t wanna hang out with you in the first place because someone better or funner is around. Your mind just starts to wander a little too far. You begin to feel lonely like there really is no one and then you feel sad and sometimes even cry….Yup its been one of those days :(
and too real for me to handle. I can feel everything in it. First it started off with me and a girl I work with doing downtown. She gets super sloppy drunk so I have to take care of her. I then go to a sketchy ass bar for some stupid reason to get a beer,and the bartender and some other guy there start cornering me and trying to frisk me.
Then it went from that to me and Randall walking to my mom’s house and some weirdo coming up to us asking where the water ride was at. Then before our eyes a rollercoaster water ride appeared and I decided to go on it. Randall’s hair was really long for some reason so he put it up in a bun. Then on the ride I met Drake and he was trying to frisk me too -__- and then the ride started and that azn girl from work who’s drunk ass I had to drag around in my next dream was on the ride too.
I then work up in my bed, it was like 2 in the afternoon. I noticed my bedroom door was unlocked and open and for some reason a grocery cart in the hall way. I got up and as I walked into the computer room, there was my friend Arline in a bunk bed and then randall on another bed up against the wall, and toys fucking everywhere. I start screaming at Randall why he didn’t let me know Arline was moving in and why is there such a mess. All he did was giggle and laugh like a child and so did our friend. I get emotional stomp out and cry myself to sleep. I wake up again PRAYING THAT THIS IS NOT ANOTHER DREAM, look at the time and see it’s 3 in the afternoon. It all felt so real because as I’d stand out of bed I can feel the soreness in my legs as I feel every morning when I wake up. So like in the last dream I look towards my door and this time only a bit of it was open, which sill scared me because even if Randall is home he wouldn’t open like that he’d knock. So I got up walked back into the computer room and there they were, and they began to continue laughing like children. So out of rage I start screaming and crying so Randall got up and all of a sudden it was no longer him. It was some guy I’ve never met before trying to calm me down. So I start hitting him and punching him. Note that I am in the same clothes I feel asleep in last night, which is why I couldn’t tell if I were dreaming or not. All of a sudden a nurse comes out of nowhere with a syringe and he tells her “she freaking out again just give it to her” and as she’s coming at me with the needle I wake up frantically and the first thing I do is look at the time, which was 10am and then look at the door, and it was still shut and locked. As sleepy as I still was.. I was afraid to go back to sleep, fuck my dreams, they are too real :/
and lightening. I just wanna take a shower already and go to bed. I have a very early start tomorrow. Apparently you shouldn’t shower when there’s a storm as bad as what us Orlando floridians are experiencing at the moment. I’m so cold I just wanna be in my pj’s and the pizza in the oven is taking forever. Also not very happy with my new work schedule, work the next two weekends. It’s not a shitty schedule but eh sometimes I miss my weekends, waking up late, cuddling, getting food, drinking with friends…like last weekend.
went from shitty, to pretty ok, to pretty awesome and then to shit again. Crazy how one angry phone call from my mother, on something that isn’t my fault, can ruin my whole day. I think it’s cause I need her to watch Molly and she’s probably gonna bitch me out in the morning and then that night after picking Molly up. So I’m not looking forward to that. And because of some awful things she said to me, I’m not sure how one can go about saying that to their daughter. I know she’s not proud of me, neither is my dad, but I also know I have not done anything wrong or to ruin my life like getting into bad drugs or whatever. I think I’m doing pretty good.
Molly hopefully will be ok, she got prescribed antibiotics and meds for her rash and kidney stones. Also getting refunded my vet bill and grooming from Petsmart since the rash seemed to start after her grooming. On top of that how rude the woman at the grooming salon were. All in all this has cost me and my boyfriend a lot of money. But I’m glad they were nice enough to agree and help refund my money back.
This week I’m gonna make sure I go see my grandma, she is not doing well at all and is back in the hospital. I’m very scared for her :(