It’s come to be alot harder than I can handle. I used to use this tumblr blog as an outlet, to vent and maybe meet others going through the same. Instead I ended up faking my happiness on here, acting like everything is ok or is gonna be ok. Unfortunately I’ve acted the same in with life in general. It’s one thing to have hopes on things turning out ok, but lately I just fake the shit out of it when I’m actually dying inside. I have not seen a doctor/therapist in over a year. I thought that I can do this without the meds or therapy but it has truly begun to eat away at me. I keep putting other things and people ahead of me and its taking a toll on my emotional health. Physically I feel so so run down and tired all the time. I take all these vitamins that are supposed to help, and nothing. So sick of the aches and pains. I don’t like posting stuff like this on here because of the amount of people who follow this blog actually know me in real life. In fact I’m probably gonna start a separate blog and just use it to vent things I wouldn’t normally vent to others, and maybe just keep this as my own “picture” blog…I don’t know. Probably go under a different name or something. Growing up I always had a diary that I would write in. For me blogging or writing down my thoughts always kinda made me feel better. Then sometimes I’d look back and read them, laugh at myself or congratulate myself for getting through whatever was happening at the time, sometimes even rip the pages out and shred them, it helped alot during my teens.

Right now Molly needs surgery, and it’s gonna cost me a shit load to pay for it, but it’ll be worth it, I love that dog more than anything, she is my baby, my angel. She has been there for me when everyone else has let me down, and I’m gonna do what I can to make her feel better. She is not just a dog to me, she’s family.